the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
