there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
