chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
