walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
