and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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