Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
