i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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