I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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