a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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