he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
