Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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