I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
