Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
