I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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