she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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