Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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