we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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