doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
