you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
ttyl tear gas
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
