If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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