It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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