her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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