what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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