I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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