Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
