I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was confusing and full of hummus
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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