Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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