Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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