I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
