hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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