He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
