I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
