I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
