just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
