But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
