They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I intend to get homeless drunk
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
