I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
