dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
