I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
