Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
