Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
