winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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