we have pet lesbian snakes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That accounts for only three of the penises
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
