Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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