we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
