I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
