I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
