Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
