Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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