This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
