he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need a beard to bite.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
