I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
