idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
